guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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