What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
