my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm passing your future prison.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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