Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
