Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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