She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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