What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
