I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
