Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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