I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
