I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
