You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
