I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
