just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
