I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
