It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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