is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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