Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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