Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
