I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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