If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
