Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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