why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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