Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
