she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
