I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
