I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
