i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is Oprah even human
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
