I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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