Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
