In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
