We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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