yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
