she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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