Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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