i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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