Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
