New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sober January is a disaster.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
