My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
