i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we're making bets on your personal life
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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