Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
