also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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