Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
