so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
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This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
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it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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