If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
