my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize