his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize