Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
