I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
