just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
