he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
