i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
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i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
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Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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