god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
