everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
