all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
