they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
