well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
