If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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