Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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