It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
