Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
