also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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