I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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