I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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