Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I can't turn off my feet"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
