You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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