I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
