Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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