Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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