Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
