i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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