Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
