Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
