Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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