guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize