a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
